Wednesday, December 19th

Well, it's bad for Zack. He told me that two weeks ago he was so depressed he was suicidal and he didn't go to class, hence the bad grades.
We both spent time crying. He'll have to go back to the therapist.
Not sure about school.
He seems happy to be home.
Not sure about a job.
Not sure if this will have a good ending. The kid needs a victory.
Wade handled it better than he thought and really had to work hard not to lecture or put his own personal experiences in there - doesn't work and the kids hate it.
We are both worried sick.
S.

update

well, an F for Zack for his other class. I'm so sad. Obviously something is wrong with him.
I'm going to try to update this blog so at least I can keep track of what we do.....

December 18th

well, found out that Zack received a D in one grade and not sure in the other. But, does it matter? should we give him another chance at Kirkwood or just make him get a job?
He's registered for some pretty tough classes. I'm thinking he just needs to work and grow up a bit.
Is good to see him though. His arms are bruised because of the blood donation. Good thing Mom isn't here...
It makes me depressed but I'm so godawful tired of worrying about this kid. I wanna enjoy life and be excited for Christmas, Wade's promotion, etc. But, I just can't. I don't want to be resentful towards Zack for that....
I think I got another "hooker" comment from some kid under her breath. What is it about boots that makes kids think they can say these things? Why shouldn't I be able to wear what I want rather than what they "think" I should wear....
Got a Christmas letter from the Dekker's. She writes the biggest brag letter of all! I'm sending them a "special" letter from us - all true, and especially the part where Wade is the new President of BankIowa...he he he....
Vikings won last night, barely.
Food day today and we're headed to ICW for Gabe's game, last of the season.
got my new boots from endless.com last night - Primo!

S.

Monday, Dec 17th

Have received plenty of pics from Jackie, showing us how much fun she's having in Florida...
I think they dual Ohio University today and I'm looking for the results online!
Josie out last night and brought Clint and Luke home with her for a late night cereal run.
Bowls were stacked by the sink, probably Luke or Clint's idea as Joz would have left them out somewhere...she's a slob! You should see her room. But, she could be into much worse... hope her grades are good.
Had a long talk with Mom yesterday regarding Zack. She's still upset he's selling plasma. Said she'd just send him the money. Well, that is just enabling him...let him make his own way.
I did have to break down and inform Wade that Zack dropped two classes. He made some good points: that there IS a problem, that Zack is working at about 25%, and that he must get a job.
I went out yesterday and filled out 3 applications for him. If I didn't do it, he wouldn't. I can't have him sleeping all day and up all night with Gabe so he will have to do something while he's here.
I wish I had a crystal ball with this kid. I wish I knew where we went wrong. He's such a sweetheart yet the most unmotivated person I know. Even when Rach and Ang were going through their shit at this age, they at least had something - a job, school, etc.
Is he depressed, is he lazy? What is this mental road block?
I'm trying to get Wade to hold off laying into him until we get 1st semester grades back.
He's taking a final as I write this....
If anyone has any advice.......
Oh, and I went to the John Edwards rally Saturday. Saw Kevin Bacon - he's a little guy.
I was actually more impressed with Edwards' wife!
S.

Friday

well, well, well....game tonight.
Jackie leaves for Florida today and she's so excited she can barely stand it. Hope she wears sunscreen and I hope all flights are ok - big storm in the East.
Josie will probably be home today but I'll give her some jobs to pass the time. She can shop for us....
Headed to Dubuque today to watch Gabe play. Lovin the 6:00 games, but, hard to get there when you work. Wonder how other ppl do it?
Dec 20th - magic day when Wade's presidency will be announced. I've been really good at keeping my mouth shut. He said the bonuses he suggested for his subordinates were approved. So, hopefully his will be. Not in desperate need of anything but boy, would like to get some work done on the house and new furniture. Will have to bite it and get another car this summer, I think. May give Jackie the van!
Fell off the wagon last night with some yummy buffalo chicken dip Wade's secretary made - yum yum!
Will be thinking of Becky as she takes her GRE today.
Mom wrote last night how she made doll clothes for Christmas every year. Must have taken her forever with us three girls loving the Barbie scene.... it was a treat at Christmas! The best thing about having sisters - someone to play with!
Steph.

Thursday

Finally getting over my cold. Poor Wade, I probably cough several times at night but he is ok with it. I would have moved to another bed!

Jackie leaves for Florida on Friday and Josie will miss her desperately, I know...

Josie's last final today so I'm sure she'll be home from here on out. Went to Bee Movie with she and Gabe and we were the only ones there!

Christmas is upon us and I am running behind, as usual. I don't know if many understand how hard it is to prepare for this Holiday when you're a working mother of 4 children....not to mention workouts, college stuff, etc.

Ang is visiting Rach on the 26th and Mom will be there. It makes me sad although Mom and I usually don't do too well over Christmas. She does her passive aggressive silent treatment that I just won't put up with. She's been so much better as of late but still....

Zack has signed up for 4 classes, all on Tuesday and Thursday next semester. I'm not sure he realizes one of the classes overlaps on Thursday. It'll make it easy for him to have a job, if he gets one! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Got my Christmas cards done.

Game tomorrow night and Saturday - wish we could go with the Berg's to the Edwards thing at UNI.

Hope Gabe gets some playing time - he's done pretty well. I can't tell you what he does for the team but he is a true post player, much like Zack. He is using the "I need to put on weight" line when we wants to go to McDonald's. I usually cave every time - the kid's skin and bones!

more later.

S.

it's been a long time!

wow - Haven't posted since the Marathon. Not sure what I would say. When I post about myself it seems pretty braggy, as if telling someone about the day to day routine of my life is pretentious. I'm going to assume that no one reads this and that this is just basically my diary.
well, anyway, I'm still running.
planning on doing Fargo. Need to hit 12 before Christmas to stay on training schedule....
Busy busy watching the girls swim and chasing after Gabe.
Girls are doing good - Jackie had her kick changed from 6 beat to 2...very difficult as she gets most of her power from her legs...she'll just have to work it out. Can't wait to see her at conference...
Josie doing fine. Sent her to a technique coach in CR but not sure if she is incorporating it...I hope so. Had a couple personal bests at the last meet. Amanda quit...there's a shocker! Left the team high and dry...
Gabe is so talkative now that he is the only child home. Never expected this and it's great! I suppose there is no chance of interruption by the other kids and no girl drama so it's actually been very very nice parenting one child. Dealing with some eye issues with him and going to Iowa city next week for consult.
Zack - well, I don't think he wants to talk to us and so I've not called him. I bugged him about registering for next semester's classes and he hasn't yet. Which leads me to believe he'll drop out. It's a crusher for us and I hope he gets a job. I expect we'll have some tough love coming up and Wade and I will have to be strong. It's so hard to be mad at him because he's such a great kid.
Work - bleh....
Running - too much snow and ice. Why do I live in Iowa again?
better go---
S.